Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
