hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
