Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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