Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
