you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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