My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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