There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
