dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
