I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
