I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
