Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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