please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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