I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
