Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
