i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
