Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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