That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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