The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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