the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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