Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
