so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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