And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.