make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone