textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
