the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs