Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.

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  (360): Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news. http://tfl.nu/qxqs
  Replies (10) Good night (662) Bad night (1762)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

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  (917): Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit. http://tfl.nu/4xb1
  Replies (9) Good night (4790) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.

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  (+44): I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating. http://tfl.nu/brik
  Replies (8) Good night (1186) Bad night (2614)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.

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  (423): I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/dili
  Replies (5) Good night (3815) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he confused my yawn for an orgasm

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  (201): he confused my yawn for an orgasm http://tfl.nu/lvnz
  Replies (14) Good night (1125) Bad night (6628)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  I feel like you never had a virginity..

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  (806): He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to. (1-806): I feel like you never had a virginity.. http://tfl.nu/77ey
  Replies (10) Good night (3208) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.

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  (614): They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/swbu
  Replies (24) Good night (1417) Bad night (3578)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??

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  (+64): was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ?? http://tfl.nu/6vfo
  Replies (10) Good night (3496) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.

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  (619): Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/w4br
  Replies (3) Good night (1537) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?

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  (310): Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow? http://tfl.nu/9403
  Replies (5) Good night (1693) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.

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  (901): I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off. http://tfl.nu/oaek
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.

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  (613): I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone. http://tfl.nu/7z2d
  Replies (4) Good night (1022) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Congratulations on your lack of fetus.

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  (630): Congratulations on your lack of fetus. http://tfl.nu/ujd7
  Replies (4) Good night (1915) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.

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  (631): if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story. http://tfl.nu/uwah
  Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I have poison ivy on my dick

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  WHAT

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  (870): I have poison ivy on my dick (1-870): WHAT http://tfl.nu/5c6b
  Replies (8) Good night (354) Bad night (843)

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