Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.

(415): View more from California

What...you let him do that?

(650): View more from California

It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow

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(650): so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow. (415): What...you let him do that? (650): It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow http://tfl.nu/aum0

Replies (72) Good night (5543) Bad night (788)
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(773): View more from Illinois

that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.

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(773): that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them. http://tfl.nu/o468

Replies (10) Good night (3933) Bad night (1619)
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(678): View more from Georgia

So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

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(678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7

Replies (14) Good night (6544) Bad night (1270)
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(214): View more from Texas

So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.

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(214): So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open. http://tfl.nu/pz60

Replies (20) Good night (3867) Bad night (1403)
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(949): View more from California

You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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(949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1

Replies (15) Good night (7622) Bad night (1014)
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(819): View more from Quebec

I woke up to her vacumming the grass

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(819): I woke up to her vacumming the grass http://tfl.nu/p4j1

Replies (18) Good night (5484) Bad night (1186)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.

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(910): shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose. http://tfl.nu/5ocp

Replies (2) Good night (1494) Bad night (2376)
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(614): View more from Ohio

she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.

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(614): she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again. http://tfl.nu/e05t

Replies (2) Good night (2158) Bad night (1193)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....

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(732): say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today.... http://tfl.nu/1sxc

Replies (3) Good night (869) Bad night (1373)
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(775): View more from Nevada

she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever

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(775): she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever http://tfl.nu/gkhb

Replies (11) Good night (651) Bad night (3086)
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(909): View more from California

We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.

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(909): We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic. http://tfl.nu/24xb

Replies (2) Good night (1117) Bad night (568)
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(207): View more from Maine

Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

You would never do this sober.

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(207): Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good. (617): You would never do this sober. http://tfl.nu/h01i

Replies (9) Good night (1370) Bad night (545)
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(408): View more from California

Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?

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(408): Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens? http://tfl.nu/6bgt

Replies (5) Good night (1369) Bad night (508)
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(903): View more from Texas

Han Solo would be ashamed of me.

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(903): Han Solo would be ashamed of me. http://tfl.nu/aspn

Replies (7) Good night (571) Bad night (425)
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(731): View more from Tennessee

I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.

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(731): I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office. http://tfl.nu/6ten

Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (263)

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