I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.