Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.