one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around