what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.