Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm like, not good at living.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
