I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.