I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
