Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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