listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
