Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
