people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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