i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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