Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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