K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can text with my tongue
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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