He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
