Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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