yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well you can't waste a boner
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
