Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
