First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
