So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
