I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
