Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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