Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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