i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
