he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
