the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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