: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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