I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
