I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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