You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
