You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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