we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
