Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
