Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
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this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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