He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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