I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
