why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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