Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
