new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
