I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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