im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
